Unit 22: D1 - Script Evaluation

Meeting the brief

The Brief:

My screenplay meets the brief as it is a complete script for a short film that runs for 9 minutes. I know it runs for 9 minutes because I wrote my screenplay in standard formatting (meaning one page per minute of film) and total length of the script is 9 pages.

I also have tried to make my film appropriate to my target audience of teenage people. Based on my audience survey results conducted before scriptwriting, I knew my film should be Drama based, have a relatively complex storyline and that it should follow the main character closely (we find things out as they find out). There was a close balance between having a cliff hanger and not, I decided to resolve my story as I believe this would make more sense for this specific storyline. By implementing these into my script I believe that my film (if made) would appeal to the target audience of teenagers. This is because the things above are things that this target market actually voted for when ask, these are the things they want to see in order for them to like, engage and actually want to watch and recommend my film.

The genre of my short film is ‘Crime-Drama’. This is a very well recognised genre within the industry (and also matches what people in my survey voted for) with famous films such as ‘Sherlock Holmes’ following this genre. My film is a crime drama because it follows the story of an illegal loan shark and how one of his victims decide to take revenge in a surprising way.

My film also has a complex storyline with a twist at the end which is totally unexpected, coming a surprise to the audience and to the characters in the film.

When being developed further into an actual short film my script will go through a few further stages.

After the screenplay has been created a storyboard would be produced. This is a visual ‘slideshow’ of the screenplay. It will include snapshots from each scene and key moments in the film. The storyboard will then be used by set designers, costume designers and other production crew to make the film look like it was imagined by the screenwriter.

Then the Director and Director of Photography take the screenplay and convert it into a shooting script. The storyline is adjusted to make it practical for filming and then specific instructions on how the film should be shot are included. Such as ‘close up’ and ‘overexposed’. The film is also divided into dates of shooting so every member of the crew (including location designers, actors and camera crew) what is happening and when.


My Strengths

I believe one of my main strengths during the writing process of my script was the way I laid it out in a proper professional layout. I researched using a website called http://www.screenwriting.info all the different formatting techniques used for different parts of screenplays. I then implemented this into my own script to make it professional. I used the correct formatting for dialogue, action and scene headings. I also researched how to use montage and SFX in my script. All of these combined make my script very easy to read and understand by other screenwriters and people in the industry. This helped me when receiving feedback about other aspects of the storyline.

Another thing I also thought I did quite well in was the Dialogue. I received feedback from other members of the class and teacher. They told me it was very 'convincing' and 'realistic'. This was good because this means that when the actors are performing it it will feel natural therefor when the film is complete it won't feel like the script is being 'acted' or 'scripted'. It will feel realistic - as if it is actually happening.


My Weaknesses

Something that I initially struggled was how to describe how things happened correctly in the action sections. I wanted to describe different camera shots and what we as the viewers were seeing. After discussing with my teacher I realised that this was not something that would be included in the initial script but something that would be added later if a shooting script were developed.

From my survey research I knew that a twist at the end of my screenplay would be the best thing to keep the story exciting and the audience engaged, this was also something that was recommended by my class mates who read one of my first drafts. After this feedback I was really unsure how to progress with this so I discussed with my teacher on how best to re-write the end of my screenplay. He gave me some suggestions and how my secondary character could 'fight back' against my main character. I then managed to develop and re-write this into something that I am now quite happy with.


Opportunities

This first attempt at script writing has given me an insight into how things are done in the real world. When I continue to make more films in the future this will really help me on getting started as I will know the basics, helping me save time researching 'how to' do things and spend more time on actually writing a story. I have also collected valuable experience on what makes a good story and what the audience is looking for in a story, hopefully helping me to write better, more exciting stories in the future.

In terms of the film itself I think there is plenty of room for development. There could be a prequel to the film that follows the storyline of the doctor and how he got involved with the crime in the first place and his journey to the point where he is now. This could follow his experience at university and how the gang approached him when he was vulnerable (showing how he came from a tough background like the person he has targeted) - this would work well as it would give some back story to this film.

It is possible that my film could be made as a TV series also, there are lots of storylines that could be followed and developed (with the script I have written as a finale episode etc. The earlier parts of the series could be used to follow both of the characters leading up to the point they are at. We could see the doctor at university (like described above) and then Alexander Woodstock struggling in his life with no money (and how daily life caring for his family is a real challenge). This would really improve the final episode (what would be my film) as it would make the viewers have keeping feelings for the characters as they know more about them/have built a connection with them.

Threats

When developing this screenplay into an actual film I do have some concerns that could effect me how my work turns out. This is my first time producing a film on this scale (I am just used to 'point and shoot' kind of work) so think it will be difficult managing multiple different people and operating all the different equipment I require.

My film also includes a scene in a car. I will have to make sure everything is done legally and safely in this circumstance as filming whilst the car is moving could become dangerous if not done properly.

I also am also unaware on the level of quality of films that other people will be submitting to the film festival. These people may be professional or semi-professional filmmakers meaning there films will be of a very high quality. The best I can do in this situation is simply product a film that is to the best of my ability and make sure i don't submit it until I feel like I cannot do anymore. Then I know that I have done my best and have at least a good chance of succeeding in the festival!

Conclusion

To conclude I am very pleased with the work I have submitted so far. I think it is of a high quality after I have made all the improvements recommended by my class mates and teacher. I have learnt a lot of things that I can take forward into the rest of the project and into future projects as well. I am now ready to move onto to creating the film itself. I understand there will be some challenges but ultimately am looking forward to getting started.

Unit 22: Second Draft of Screenplay

Second draft of screenplay 'Part Timer':

I have made some changes based on feedback from my teacher and class mates to improve the screenplay. 

Unit 22: M1 - Explain the conventions to be used in the formatting and layout of your script

Unit 3: Analysing Short Films

Alone

Three Act Narrative

Setup - The film starts in an office with the protagonist receiving a phone call from what appears to be his girl friend or wife. We then discover that it is actually all a dream (that is a flashback from something that happened previously). Then once he is awake we discover, through him explaining his situation through voiceover (us hearing him think). We find out that he is the only person left on earth, after an apocalypse.

Confrontation - The problem that arises is the fact that this man is feeling so lonely being on earth by himself. He finds himself not talking for weeks at a time. The only company he has is playing a voice mail saved in his phone from his girlfriend/wife over and over.

Resolution - In the closing scene of the film we see the man walking down the empty road. A light then switches on in a house at the side of the road. This makes us (and him think), maybe there is someone else?

Characters and Dialogue

Co-worker in the office comes in says one line about a report as he hands paper to the protagonist. This has been done purely to show how life was once normal.  

Main character is the man who ends up being the last man on earth. We hear very little on screen dialogue from his as he has no one to talk to/ no reason for him to speak. We hear a voiceover of him that represents the thoughts going through his mind.

There is also an off screen character (the protagonists wife/girlfriend), we only hear her over the phone/voice mail.

Sound & Music

There is very little music in this film, instead we hear the character moving around and natural sounds. This has been done to show how empty the earth is, how alone the protagonist is. The quietness represents the nothingness.

Editing & SFX

It is edited so that the camera always follows the movements of the main character. It is filmed with a very shallow depth of field and the camera is always very close to the character. This will be done again to represent how he is the only thing there is, the only thing 'worth' seeing.

The Silent

Three Act Narrative

This film doesn't really follow a three act narrative. It is instead just a collection of jump scares that keep the viewer gripped (as they want to know what is coming next) and random incidents. There is some kind of story, something to do with the girl having nightmares and them coming true in real life. But it doesn't really have a resolution.

Characters & Dialogue

The main character is a young girl, we see her playing in different places although most of the time she is stood there, looking scared.

There are other characters included, such as the girls mum and other mysterious men. However these only appear briefly, never say anything and usually are something the girl is scared of. They are there to make up the jump scares and create the scary things.

Sound and Music

In this film there is a mixture of silent/quiet moments that usually turn into moments were music and sound effects build. This is all done to build tension and create the jump scares.

Editing and SFX

The whole film has a flat and cool colour grade. This makes things look dark and unfriendly which creates a strange atmosphere which sets the mood for the film. There are also some rapid jump cuts between some shots to let the viewers see a glimpse of something (but not clearly or properly). This helps to build the suspense because we wonder what that thing is and whether this could develop later in the film.

Unit 22: First Draft of Screenplay

My first draft of my screenplay, called 'Part Timer':

Unit 22: The scenes and locations for 'Part Timer'

The next part of the development of the story is to decide what locations my film will be set in and how it will be split into scenes.

Film Name: Part Timer (name subject to change).

Scene 1 - In the Doctor's Surgery. 

The film opens to Dr Ruislip in his Dr Surgery at a desk with medial equipment laid out and a computer open with documents and his timetable on screen. Near the desk are two chairs were patients can sit in. On the walls there are health warning posters. The room is very well lit. 

There is a door just behind the two patient chairs which leads into a waiting room. In the waiting room there are 8 chairs laid out sat opposite each other with a small coffee table in the centre with some magazines and books on. There are 4 patients sat on the chairs scattered around the room. No one is talking, the mood seems sombre. There are health posters on the wall and the room is well lit. There is a TV on with the news in one corner of the room. 

Scene 2 - In the Doctor's car. 

The Doctor leaves the surgery in a rush and gets into the driving seat of a small VW Polo. The car is very tidy and clean. When the engine starts music comes on very loud but the driver turns it off immediately. 

The doctor drives away very quickly. 

Scene 3 - The Forest

It is a wet day and everything is quite dark and miserable. It is muddy on the ground. The Doctor drags the man out of the boot, through the mud and into the forest. He then ties up the man against a tree, and starts questioning him. 

Scene 4 - A house

In the evening. This is the house that is robbed by the desperate Alexander Woodstock. It has a kitchen with lots of draws that can be searched through. There is money in some of the draws which he finds. Otherwise most of the things in the draws end up on the floor. 


Scene 5 - The Doctor's House

A large house on a quiet road. The big front door is where the doctor comes out in hand cuffs, lead by Police #1. 

Unit 22: Developing the backstories of my characters for the 'Part timer' film

Before I start writing my screenplay I need to develop the characters to further to help get an idea of who they are, what they do and why they do it.

Film Name: Part Timer (name subject to change).

Main Character - The Doctor - called 'Dr Barnaby Ruislip'.

In his late 20s/early 30s.

A man who has recently graduated in to being a doctor. He spent 7 years at University and obtained a first class degree. He cares about his patients very much and always wants the best for them. However, whilst he was at University he got involved with a 'off the books' loan company that lends money to people, even the ones who cannot be trusted at paying back. They get the money back by 'physically' forcing people to give it back.

Since his return to home and start of proper work, the doctor has continued this work 'part time'. He leans money to struggling, vulnerable people and if they don't pay him back he threatens and punishes them.


Main Character - The Man in the boot of the car - called Alexander Woodstock.

In his mid 20s.

Is a man who has had a difficult upbringing and is unable to obtain a job. He has a large family which he needs to provide for. However no-one will lend him money so he has turned to the 'doctor'. He borrowed a substantial amount from the doctor a month previously, but now has no way to pay him back. So the doctor is taking action.


Secondary Character - a patient in the surgery - called Chris Hargraves.

Teenage boy aged 17.

A patient who has had a bad cold and headache for many weeks. He wants the help of the doctor to get him better.


Secondary Character - a patient in the surgery - called Albert Davies.

An older man who has a bad leg and is hobbling, he has had the injury for many years and is waiting to be referred to a specialist. He is hopping Dr Ruislip can help.


Secondary Character - Police #1

A plain-clothed middle aged police officer who has an ID badge around his neck. He is carrying handcuffs and a baton. He is responding to a call of a burglary when he is introduced into the film.


Secondary Character - Police #2

Another plain-clothed police officer a little younger then the other one.  This was responds to the orders of Police #1.